Are You A Follower Or A Leader?
A Shepherd Not A Sheep Is The Way To Go
Anyone that has ever worked for me will tell you what I always said to them after their first-day welcome interview, "I'm not looking for twenty sheep on my team; I'm looking for twenty shepherds." So if you were a sheep when you arrived, I hope you would gather the confidence and self-esteem to be a shepherd. Why was that?
Because if you could become a shepherd in my team, then you could become a shepherd in everything else you do. No more blindly following those that hurt or abuse you—no more accepting that everyone is correct and you are always wrong. There is no more eating grass with your head down but looking up far and wide to see the world and what it offers.
Sadly it didn't always work, as most people are heavily conditioned either by society at large or an abusive family member, educational bodies, their employment, or their religious communities. But for those who were brave enough to look up, it changed everything for them.
Why? Because they changed the way they thought. They maybe didn't realize it, but critical thinking, for their benefit, offered them an opportunity to change themselves and thereby the world they occupied.
This morning I was reading an article by Paige Oldham of Simple Mindfulness. What follows is an abridged and slightly rewritten version for readability and to apply my experience.
Why is it so easy to be a mindless sheep? To follow the flock, do as you're told, blend in?
From the time we're little and placed into preschool by our parents, the programming begins.
What does schooling teach us? To sit down, shut up, blend in, be normal, and do as we're told so that we become properly trained to be productive little cogs in a big machine (Sheep), otherwise known as "good, productive citizens."
We move from school to a job where we continue the process. So please sit down, shut up, blend in, and do as you're told.
At some point, some of us start to wonder about the whole thing. We begin to wonder if this is all our lives have to offer. Just being sheep and mindlessly following the flock?
Most people, if they've let themselves have these thoughts, shake them off, tell themselves to "get real," and forget about the whole thing.
A few of us can't shake our guts' thoughts and feelings; we know there's a better way.
We start to question everything. And that's threatening "the system."
The sheep in our lives are convinced that "the system" will take care of them if they continue to comply with the system's rules and tell us to "get real." So they start to look down their noses at us and mistreat us. That's what herd animals do when members of the herd start to act on their own accord. They're kicked, bitten, and expelled from the herd because, in the wild, being different threatens the herd.
But we don't live in the wild. We live in a very tame world in comparison.
I was an excellent sheep until I was 28.
I did well in a "good" college prep school, went to a "good" college where I graduated cum laude, and started my corporate job at a "good" firm less than a month after graduating. I got married. At the firm, I excelled and was on the fast track to making partners.
I was about a year away from making a partner; the voice in my head started asking, "Is this what I want to do with the rest of my life?" Of course, the answer was a resounding "no," But I didn't know what to do about it.
An opportunity came for a new job that I thought might help me decide to leave the firm. I took it and, fortunately, it only lasted a few months. I knew that I couldn't keep up the charade.
So I quit, having no idea what I would do next.
Although I was always married, something kept telling me it wasn't the right time to buy a house or have kids. But, unfortunately, I couldn't put my finger on it. I knew I would have these things at some point, but that time wasn't it.
So when I left my job, we put everything we owned in storage. I remember sitting at dinner with my husband, and he asked what the plan was. It was the first time in my life that I didn't have a plan. Until this point, I had everything in my life, predictable and controlled. He was shocked and scared. The funny thing was — I wasn't scared at all. For the first time in my life, I didn't have a plan and followed my instincts, which felt incredible. I couldn't wait for the next adventure.
My husband at the time was a pilot based on the island of Nantucket. So at the beginning of the off-season, I moved to Nantucket and waitressed at one of the three restaurants open in the off-season.
On a last-minute whim, I got the opportunity to go to Costa Rica with a friend with whom I waitressed. She was going with another friend who bailed at the last minute. It was one of those "why not?" decisions, and it was a good one. I spent an unforgettable month and a half there with no plans and had the time of my life. I almost didn't come back.
A few weeks after returning, my internal voice started yelling at me to "go west and do something with horses." My logical mind asked, "Where west and what with horses." My wise internal voice answered, "You go figure it out." And I did.
Following an internet search, I signed up for an outfitting school in the woods outside of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I grew up a city girl and had never spent any time in the outdoors. So my next move would be to live in a tent in the middle of nowhere for a couple of months, learning to be self-sufficient and guide others in the outdoors — another one of the best experiences of my life.
I managed a dude ranch in northeastern Colorado for a year. I'll never forget having a phone conversation with my mother after being there for a couple of months. She asked me, "Don't you think you're a bit irresponsible?" I said no. Who wants to be responsible for their whole life? If being "responsible" means not following your heart and being a sheep, then absolutely no! I don't think I'm irresponsible at all.
We now continue to live our lives in ways that raise eyebrows but in a way that supports our values. It's not always easy, but we feel good about the choices we've made for our family. Of course, every family is different, and our options won't work for everyone. But they work for us, and that's what's important.
At the end of my life, I don't want to say, "Well, it didn't suck that much." Instead, I want to say, "Wow! That was amazing! I want to do it all over again!"
How many people do you know to suppress their values to be accepted as part of the flock? Are you still being a sheep in some areas of your life? Is it time to break free and find a community that shares your values?
How many of the big and little daily decisions you're making align with your values, and how many are made to maintain the acceptance from the people around you, doing what they think you should do?
Be a shepherd, not a sheep! Try it, be brave; you'll love it!
I tried many times throughout my life to do so, sometimes successfully, but often returning to the herd again. Finally, about five years ago, I made the break. Now I love life, have peace and joy, and reconnected with my teenage sweetheart after 47 years and got married. I love the view I see with my head up and not pushed down anymore!
© Stephen G. Arrowsmith 2022
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