The Truth About Dogs
What They Really Think About You!
Have you ever owned a dog? But, maybe I should ask, have you ever taken care of a dog? Are you the Master? Or have you noticed that the dog thinks otherwise when you're not looking?
What Does Your Dog Think?
1 — How many bloody times do we have to pose for pics Charlie? Posing is ok, Ethel; sitting my ass on this bloody cold floor is the issue!
2 — Why do they make us wear stupid ass scarves and jackets, Charlie? If we were chasing lions in the jungle, Ethel, we'd be bloody strangled jumping tree to tree! Charlie, you're an idiot; first, you don't know what a lion is, and second, you can't climb bloody trees!
3 — Do you know what I hate the most, Charlie? That's easy, Ethel, the crap "healthy" bloody dog food they feed us! No, Charlie, that big black pussy next door thinks she's all that and a bag of chips.
4 — You know what would be funny, Charlie? What's that, Ethel? The next time the big human throws a ball, leave it there, Charlie! See how that fat bastard likes it; let him get his own ball. Sometimes, Charlie, you have to protest. I'm sick of going to get his bloody ball for him. Ethel? Are you having a bad day, Ethel?
5 — Hey Charlie, where do we go after we die, Charlie? Do we go to Heaven? No, Ethel, we go to a place called the Vets; I think it's a kind of stop on the way to Heaven, Ethel. What happens there, Charlie? Is it nice? It's like Heaven Ethel, people dressed in white coats, stroking your paws, and saying kind words. They even cut a piece of fur before giving you a sleeping pill. It must be a religious tradition, Ethel. You can't get into Heaven unless you have your paw shaved a little. Oh, ok, Charlie, be worth it, though, Charlie, we get to see the Big Dog then!
© Stephen G. Arrowsmith 2022
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